Week 1

Discovering Mindful Self-Compassion

Meditations

© Christopher Germer & Kristin Neff (2021).
Mindful Self-Compassion. All rights reserved.

Awakening Self Compassion Meditation, with Tara Brach

Tara Brach’s meditation is not strictly part of the MSC curriculum, but you’ll hear the steps of “RAIN” are very similar to MSC’s: 1) Mindfulness, 2) Common Humanity and 3) Self-Kindness.

Home Practices

  • Soothing & Supportive Touch

  • Self-Compassion Break

  • Workbook: Chapters 1 - 5

The goal is to practice self-compassion and mindfulness for at least 30 minutes each day. However, the exercises taught in this session are all short. You do not need to practice so long, and you are only encouraged to practice during your daily life. Try noticing when you are under stress and to explore whether Soothing Touch or the Self-Compassion Break brings genuine relief, keeping in mind that the best way to practice is by making it enjoyable and self-reinforcing.

Practice Tips:

  • ​ Make it Pleasant

  • Make it Easy

  • Start Small - 3-Minute Rule

  • If you have an established practice, see if you can add a touch of kindness or self-compassion to what you are already doing.

  • Use downloadable meditations and practices.

Two queries for this week:

  1. What obstacles to self-compassion do you notice? 

  2. Can you notice moments where you aren’t being self compassionate? We can’t shift our way of engaging ourselves until we’ve first noticed our patterns.

More Learning for Curious Minds

PHYSIOLOGY OF SELF-COMPASSION & SELF-CRITICISM

According to Paul Gilbert, when we criticize ourselves we activate the body’s threat-defense system (our reptilian or most primitive brain). This system evolved so that when we perceive a threat our amygdala gets triggered, we release cortisol and adrenaline, and get ready for FIGHT, FLIGHT, or FREEZE.

This system works great for protecting against threats to our bodily selves (think saber tooth tiger in the savannah), but nowadays most threats are to our self-concept.  When we feel inadequate our self- concept is threatened so we attack the problem—we attack ourselves. 

 The threat response causes stress and is related to conditions such as anxiety and depression. We know that about 80 percent of PCP visits are related to stress. 

 Luckily, we’re more evolved than reptiles.  As mammals we are born very immature and have a long developmental period to adapt to our environment.

 To facilitate this, the mammalian caregiving system evolved so that an infant would keep safe by staying close to their care provider.  This system is triggered by three main factors, WARMTH, SOOTHING TOUCH, and GENTLE VOCALIZATIONS. These factors help release oxytocin and opiates in both the providers and children, helping the infant feel safe and secure.

SELF-COMPASSION & SELF-ESTEEM

  • Self-esteem can be defined as a global evaluation of self-worth.  Judging oneself as bad or good based on comparisons, tends to be contingent on success.  

  • Self-compassion doesn’t entail evaluations. It simply entails relating to ourselves kindly, especially when we fail or notice a shortcoming.  

  • Self-compassion is always available to us. It does not desert us when we fail.  Self-compassion fosters social connectedness versus comparisons.  In self-compassion, we see our suffering as part of the human experience.

  • Research indicates that when compared with self-esteem, self-compassion is less contingent on things like physical attractiveness or successful performances. Self-compassion provides a more stable sense of self-worth over time. 

  • Unlike self-esteem, self-compassion makes us less likely to engage in social comparisons and experience an inflated sense of self.

The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self Compassion: Kristin Neff at TEDxCentennialParkWomen

MISGIVINGS ABOUT SELF-COMPASSION

It's important to talk about misgivings.  The research on self-compassion is robust in terms of the positive impact it has in overall wellbeing.  So why is it so hard?  What gets in the way?  Below are some of the main concerns people report.

SELF-COMPASSION WILL UNDERMINE MOTIVATION:

  • The number one concern about self-compassion for people is that it will take away their edge or motivation. Self-compassion decreases fear of failure and increases personal responsibility and motivation to repair mistakes.

  • Most people believe self-criticism is an effective motivator, but it actually undermines self-confidence and leads to fears of failure. Think of a harshly critical teacher or coach you have had versus a supportive one.

  • Criticism may work well in the short run but eventually it burns us out.

  • Research shows that self-compassionate people are no less likely to have high personal standards; they just don’t beat themselves up when they fail—they are less afraid of failure and are more likely to try again and persist in their efforts. 

SELF-COMPASSION IS WEAK:

  • Self-Compassion is linked to coping and resiliency. The most important aspect of self-compassion is that it helps us learn how to relate to ourselves when things get difficult. 

  • Are you an inner enemy or an inner ally? The goal of self-compassion is to learn how to be on our own side.

  • Self-compassion is a strength that offers resiliency when faced with difficulty. Research shows that self-compassionate people are better able to cope with tough situations like divorce, trauma, or chronic pain. 

  • Self-compassion is powerfully linked to wellbeing. It is strongly associated with fewer negative states like depression, anxiety, stress, shame, and negative body image. It is also linked to more positive states like happiness, life satisfaction, and optimism.

SELF-COMPASSION IS A FORM OF SELF-PITY:

  • Self-Compassion remembers that everyone suffers (common humanity) and does not exaggerate the extent of suffering (mindfulness), so it is not a “poor me” attitude. 

  • Research shows that self-compassionate people are more likely to engage in widening their perspective rather than focusing on their own distress. They are also less likely to ruminate on how bad things are. 

SELF-COMPASSION IS SELFISH:

  • By including oneself in the circle of compassion (a humble agenda!), our sense of separation from others is lessened. It supports connection rather than separation.

  • Research shows that self-compassionate people tend to be more caring and supportive in romantic relationships, are more likely to compromise in relationship conflicts, and are more compassionate toward others.

SELF-COMPASSION IS SELF-INDULGENT:

  • Compassion wants long-term health not short-term pleasure. Much like a parent might limit phone time before a child completes their chores and homework. 

  • Research shows that self-compassionate people engage in healthier behaviors like exercise, eating well, drinking less, and going to the doctor more regularly.

SELF-COMPASSION IS A FORM OF MAKING EXCUSES:   

  • Self-compassion provides the safety needed to admit mistakes, rather than needing to blame someone else for them.

  • Research shows that self-compassionate people take greater personal responsibility for their actions and are more likely to apologize if they have offended anyone. 

SUMMARY: 

There are over 1500 research articles on Self-Compassion. More and more evidence indicates that MSC increases self-compassion, mindfulness, social connectedness, life satisfaction. MSC also decreases depression, anxiety and isolation.  These benefits were associated with how much self-compassion practice participants did. You can click here to visit Dr. Kristin Neff’s site where she has generously compiled an extensive annotated bibliography on self-compassion.