Week 2
Practicing Mindfulness
Home Practices
The practices from this session are:
Affectionate Breathing
Soles of the Feet
Mindfulness in Daily Life
Self-Compassion in Daily Life
Workbook: Chapters 6-8
Meditations
© Christopher Germer & Kristin Neff (2021). Mindful Self-Compassion. All rights reserved.
Mindfulness in Daily Life
The intention of this practice is to start exploring awareness of ordinary experiences in daily life. Savoring is mindfulness of pleasant activities. When we cultivate savoring, we can experience freedom from regret and worry through moment-to-moment awareness.
SUGGESTIONS FOR PRACTICE:
Mindfulness can be practiced at any moment of the day—while you brush your teeth, while you walk from the parking garage to work, when you eat your breakfast, or whenever your cell phone rings. Transitions are an important opportunity to practice mindfulness.
PICK AN ORDINARY ACTIVITY: You might choose drinking your cup of coffee in the morning, brushing your teeth, or taking a shower. If you wish, select an activity that occurs early in the day, before your attention is pulled in many directions.
CHOOSE ONE SENSORY EXPERIENCE TO EXPLORE in the activity, such as the sensation of taste as you drink your coffee or the sensation of water touching your body while showering.
IMMERSE YOURSELF IN THE EXPERIENCE, savoring to the fullest. Return your mind to the sensation again and again when you notice it has wandered away.
BRING GENTLE, FRIENDLY AWARENESS TO THE ACTIVITY until it has been completed.
Informal Practice: Self-Compassion in Daily Life
SUGGESTIONS FOR PRACTICE:
You already know how to be self-compassionate. You have not lived this long if you could not care for yourself. Self-care in the midst of difficulty is self-compassion, a kindly response to suffering.
Self-compassion is much more than training the mind. Behavioral self-compassion is a safe and effective way of practicing self-compassion. It ANCHORS self-compassion in ORDINARY activities of daily life.
Take a moment to reflect on the different ways you already care for yourself. Below are some examples:
Physically—exercise, massage, warm bath, etc.
Mentally—meditate, watch a movie, read an inspiring book, etc.
Emotionally—have a good cry, pet the dog, listen to music, etc.
Relationally—meet with friends, send a birthday card, play a game, etc.
Spiritually—pray, walk in the woods, help others, meditate, etc.
Remember that self-compassion is to know when you are under stress and to respond with care and kindness. The challenge, of course, is to remember to do these self-care activities when we struggle in daily life.
During the coming week, write down some ways you already care for yourself, or would like to care for yourself, when things go wrong.
Mindfulness as Art. It begins with noticing a moment. What is a moment?
Mindfulness as Art. It begins with noticing a moment. What is a moment?
Radiolab's Moments by Dan Heidt
More Learning for Curious Minds
What We Resist Persists.
Resistance prevents us from mindfully accepting the reality of the present moment. Because resistance to pain can cause unnecessary suffering, letting go of resistance is part of mindfulness and self-compassion practice.
Resistance refers to "the struggle that occurs when we believe our moment-to-moment experience should be other than it is."
Without resistance, we would be overwhelmed by the intensity of ordinary experience. Resistance helps us to function in daily life.
Resistance can also have negative, long-term consequences. In MSC we say, "What we resist, persists." Some examples: By fighting sleeplessness, we can create insomnia. By fighting anxiety, we can create panic. By fighting grief, we can develop depression.
Pain x Resistance = Suffering
The above formula by Young (2007) exemplifies how when we resist, our suffering intensifies.
Pain is inevitable. We experience the loss of loved ones, illness, financial hardship, oppression, and many other difficulties. Usually, when we resist pain, it makes things worse.
What about resisting unjust situations? It is important to resist injustice but we are talking here about the consequences of resisting moment-to-moment experience. Sometimes we resist the pain caused by social injustice and oppression by denying it or suppressing it and this can make a challenging situation worse. However, sometimes actively resisting the pain is the only thing we can do, especially when we feel overwhelmed. In these situations, we must find solid ground and resource ourselves before opening to the pain of social injustice and the myriad forms of oppression some members of our culture experience.
Dr. Paul Gilbert (2018) said, “Compassion is the courage to descend into the reality of the human experience.” However, courage requires wisdom and builds over time.
What we can feel, we can heal.
Mindfulness and self-compassion are resources or capacities that enable us to open to difficult experience with less resistance, thereby reducing the amount of suffering in our lives.
What is Backdraft?
Backdraft refers to discomfort that may arise when we give ourselves compassion. The experience of backdraft can be confusing for some practitioners but it is a key part of the transformation process. It helps to understand the nature of backdraft and to know how to respond to it.
“Backdraft” is a term that firefighters use to describe how a fire can grow when fresh air is introduced through an open door. A similar effect can occur when we open the door of our hearts with self-compassion. Most of our hearts are hot with pain accumulated over a lifetime. In order to function in our lives, we needed to shut out stressful or painful experiences. However, when the door of our hearts opens and kindness flows in, old hurts are likely to come out. That’s backdraft. The discomfort we feel is not created by self-compassion practice—it’s simply being re-experienced and transformed by the power of compassion.
There is another metaphor for this process – warming up ice-cold hands. When our hands are numb from being out in cold and then they begin to warm up, we may experience pain for a short time. Numbness is also what we may feel toward old pains in our lives until we warm up our awareness with self-compassion.
How Do We Recognize Backdraft?
Backdraft can show up as any type of emotional, mental, or physical uneasiness including: Emotionally (e.g., shame, grief, fear, sadness), mentally (e.g., “I’m all alone.” “I’m a failure.” “I’m unworthy.”), and physically (e.g., body memories, aches, pains). Often uneasiness appears out of nowhere and we may not understand why it’s happening. A tear can appear while meditating, or a sadness, or a sense of vulnerability. Secondary reactions may also arise when we struggle not to feel backdraft. For example, we might go into our heads (intellectualize), become agitated, withdraw, space-out, or criticize ourselves and others. All these reactions are quite natural and can also be met with kindness and compassion.
What Can We Do About Backdraft?
Below is a summary of approaches to backdraft that you will learn in MSC. However, please remember that you are the foremost expert on your life and what you need. You can begin by asking yourself “What do I need right now? “What do I need to feel safe?” Then, depending on what feels right to you, you may consider any of the following strategies:
Practice mindfulness to regulate attention:
Label the experience as backdraft – “Oh, this is ‘backdraft’”—as you might for a dear friend.
Name your strongest emotion and validate it for yourself in a compassionate voice (“Ah, that’s grief”).
Explore where the emotion physically resides in your body, perhaps as tension in your stomach or hollowness in your heart, and offer yourself soothing or supportive touch.
Redirect your attention to a neutral focus inside your body (e.g., the breath), or a sensation at the boundary of the body (e.g., sensations in the soles of your feet while walking), or a sense object in the outside world (e.g., ambient sounds). The further from your body you go, the easier it will be.
Anchor awareness in ordinary activities:
You may feel the need to anchor your awareness in an everyday activity, such as washing the dishes, going for a walk, showering, cycling. If you happen to find the activity pleasant or rewarding for your senses (smell, taste, touch, sound, vision), allow yourself to savor it. Please see sections, “Mindfulness in Daily Life,” for further instructions.
Or you may feel the need to comfort, soothe or support yourself in a practical, behavioral way, such as by having a cup of tea, a warm bath, listening to music, or calling a friend. Please see the section, “Self-Compassion in Daily Life,” for additional instructions.
If you need further assistance, please make use of your personal contacts (friends, family, therapists, teachers) to get what you need.